FREE DRINKS AT THE BAR?

My Dad said to me on many occasions, I am sure, “Son, don’t ever be the last one to put your hand in your pocket when it comes to a round at the bar.”

But Dad’s thoughts about taking your turn paying for the drinks is all very well when it’s you and say ten of your mates at a school reunion where half of them have become teetotallers, but it’s a whole new ball game when it comes to one hundred wedding guests looking forward to playing booze bingo during the speeches.

How much booze do you really need to pay for, and what can you politely get away with when it comes to the bar, if that doesn’t make you sound a little, well, tight?

So today’s wedding wisdom: the pay bar, the cash bar, the “We’re happy to feed you, but booze-wise, you’re on your own” option. What’s the etiquette, what’s the expectation, and what actually tops the charts of most consumed drink on the big day?

Let’s open the bar, shall we?

THE ETIQUETTE BIT.

Now, traditionally, and we’re talking Downton Abbey levels of tradition here, the couple, i.e. YOU, provides the drinks. From French champagne at the drinks reception (can’t BEAR the English stuff dwarling) to wine on the tables, and often a full bar into the night.

But weddings aren't Victorian house parties, and unless your surname is Fortescue-Bankington-Wedgwood, there’s no rule that says you must foot the entire booze bill. And let me tell you, I’ve been to a few Fortescue-Bankington-Wedgewood dos, the type that drive 1972 Land Rovers that have all the panels in different shades of light blue and live in houses so large they’ve forgotten how to find their way to the east wing, and even they will find a way to restrict the free booze allowance.

That said, a totally dry wedding is a bold move. A pay bar, however, is a very acceptable middle ground.

Here’s the etiquette then.

Be up front. Let guests know in advance that there’ll be a pay bar. Nobody likes rocking up expecting an open bar, only to find they need a jacket that can hold a fairly big wallet.

Actually on that note, let me wind back on the cash thing. Don’t make it difficult. A proper card machine, clear signage, and no cash-only surprises.

Cover the key moments of your big day. Even if it’s a pay bar later, most couples still include a welcome drink and wine on the table. It sets the tone: “We’re treating you, but we’ve got limits.”

So what do people actually drink?

If you’re thinking of what kinds of booze to cover, this might help. It’s not entirely scientific, but it’s based on some preliminary research. Some real-world facts, based on what bar teams at venues and mobile bar suppliers report.

Prosecco (the English one yes) and beer are the early favourites. The welcome drink’s often fizz (still hugely popular), and beer is a go-to, especially on hot days or in rural barn-style weddings.

Wine dominates the tables, obviously. White slightly outpours red actually, and rosé comes third, though in the summer months, it pushes red off the table.

Cider comes in behind beer and wine.

Then we hit the spirits list.

Gin, vodka, rum, in that order, usually start being poured in generous quantities after dinner. The post-first-dance crowd are more likely to be ordering cocktails or doubles than anything subtle.

So if you’re going to include some drinks in the package, it’s worth knowing that:

Beer is safe, steady, and keeps Uncle Nigel from wandering off.

Prosecco or fizz gives a celebratory touch.

Spirits, well, they’re like fireworks. Done right, dazzling. Done wrong, disaster.

Oh, and mocktails. Funnily enough, mocktails can be way more expensive than providing beer. I know this, having organised an event where I thought of mocktails as a slightly pricier glass of orange juice. Big mistake, as that famous movie quote goes.

There’s a lot of other stuff that shouts ‘drink me Seymour’ from the bar area, but that list there covers the basics of what is most popular.

Beer-Only Bar: Is it brilliant or a buzzkill?

A growing trend is to offer a "Beer and wine on us, spirits on you" approach. It’s a smart halfway house.

Guests feel looked after, the basics are covered.

The party’s still lively, and your wallet’s less likely to need medical attention when the party spirals into the best man shouting “Shots o’clock” at 6.27pm.

This option is usually well-received if it’s clear. A friendly little chalkboard near the bar can explain the deal, or even a little line on the table cards: “Beer and wine are on us, spirits available from the bar.”

Some couples even go further with drink tokens. You get two each, then it’s up to you. Just make sure guests don’t end up bartering their tokens like a prison economy. It gets weird fast, honestly, I’ve seen it.

Risks and realities.

Let’s not pretend weddings are tame little affairs. Weddings are celebrations. High emotion, long days, empty stomachs… and alcohol. So, if you're weighing up whether to include spirits for free, ask yourself:

Are your guests a social sipping sort, or more of a "Jägerbombs at 4pm" crowd?

Is the venue remote, requiring taxis? Or are people likely to drive?

And, brace yourself, because you may not have considered this, what’s your liability? Some venues require staff or security after a certain volume of alcohol is served, especially if there’s free rein.

Now that’s a ground covered at established venues, but if you’re having a wedding in what you think is a private garden in the grounds of Lord and Lady Fortescue-Bankington-Wedgwood, news travels fast. I don’t know how it does, but it just does. Maybe the badgers pass it down the hedgerows until word gets to the nearest local town, but uninvited guests do show up. Some people have more cheek than a premium butcher.

Think security.

I’ve seen some beautiful weddings where everything is free-flowing and joyful. And I’ve also seen vodka-laced punch bowls that become messy fast.

So choose wisely. Spirits are fun… but they come with a health warning. Literally.

Some final thoughts from the photographer’s corner.

As someone who’s been to, let’s say, a lot of weddings, I can tell you that guests don’t remember if they had to buy their G&T. But they do remember the atmosphere.

A wedding where people feel considered, with a drink on arrival, something tasty with their meal, and maybe a cheeky pint thrown in, that’s what matters.

If in doubt, go halfway. Beer and wine on you, spirits on them.

And remember, it’s a wedding, not a stag do.

Oh, and this last bit – I think this is rather important.

I am a supplier. I do not expect to be supplied with alcohol as a photographer. Frankly, I focus better without it, technically and in an ‘eyes on the ball’ way too.

But the entertainers, and I’m talking the band mainly, well, there does seem to be a little etiquette, or even rider expectation here. Bands often expect a beer with their supplier meal; but I’m not sure you should expect to foot their bar tab all night. Sure, it’s rock ‘n’ roll and all that jazz, but I just thought I’d throw this thought in there, so you’re not surprised by a bar bill that shouts Black Sabbath at the end of the day.

If you’ve no idea about their interesting boozy performance stuff of legend, look ‘em up kids.

Anyway, here’s to your big day. Cheers!

Keep calm, and get married.